The Urbane Grandmother

Why The Urbane Grandmother?

Welcome to The Urbane Grandmother. And who is she, you might ask? Think Auntie Mame for the 21st century and you've got the picture. Martini shaker in one hand, cigarette holder in the other - sans cigarette, of course. She’s your guide to creating lasting memories with your grandchildren (and children) in San Francisco and beyond. As an urbane (and urban) grandmother it came to her attention that there are a lot of grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, god-parents and parents that need help finding appealing things to do in San Francisco with their young charges. You might be visiting for the weekend but you want to skip the obvious tourist traps - just not your style. Or perhaps you live here and you are a single Mom or Dad. You’ve spent years finding the best Irish Coffee in town but are at a complete loss when it comes to finding the best playground. You thought you saw one once but were mistaken. And while she would never endorse drunk grand-parenting, there will be times, if there are at least two of you sharing babysitting duty that day, that one of you needs a glass of wine or a cocktail. She’ll show you where to get that, too.

All Lit Up: Holiday Tree Lighting and More

 

We love free family friendly holiday events. Here is a list that will help you kick-start this holiday season, San Francisco Style.

Tuesday, 11/27, 555 California St, 5 pm - 6:30. 555 California is better known to San Franciscans as the Bank of America Building which it has not been for at least five years.This will be the fifth year that the present owners have organized a family oriented celebration complete with the lighting of the tallest outdoor Christmas tree in San Francisco. This is your chance to introduce the kids to 49er football legends Joe Montana and Dwight Clark. Music by Dick Bright and his orchestra.

Thursday, 11/29, The Ritz Hotel, Tree lighting, 5:30 - 7:30. I always think of the Ritz in the same way that Holly Golightly thought of Tiffany's 'the quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there.' And some very nice things are bound to happen at this free event for the public which includes the lighting of the Ritz Christmas Tree and hot chocolate.

Saturday, 12/1, Fisherman's Wharf, 5:30 - 7:30. Lagoon Concert and Lighting of the Chapel. Fisherman's Wharf may seem too crowded for your taste, but I encourage you to spend some time there in the early morning when one can get a better sense of what it was like before it became the tourist destination it is today. One special spot in the lagoon area is the Fisherman's and Seafarer's Memorial Chapel. This evening event will include a concert and for the first time a lighting of the chapel. Free hot chocolate courtesy of Ghirardelli. When you are done here, head west along the waterfront to the Hyde Street Pier (see below).

Saturday, 12/1, Hyde Street Pier, 8 pm, Sea Chantey Singalong. Board the Balclutha and C. A. Thayer historic sailing ships where you will learn a chantey or two - the sailor's work song - and discover for yourself how the power of group singing can ease the burden and lift the soul. Dress warmly and bring your own empty mug for hot cider.

Thursday, 12/6, Golden Gate Park, McLaren Lodge, 5 - 7pm, Tree lighting.
It's the 83rd annual lighting of the great tree in front of McLaren Lodge in Golden Gate Park. Activities for the kids and a visit from the man in red.

Friday, 12/7, The Presidio, 5:30 - 6:30, Tree lighting, Caroling & Lantern Walk. Be part of a holiday tradition that goes back to the time when military families lived on the Presidio. Once the tree is lit there will be a walk through the dark forest (bring your flashlight).

There are two choices of places to celebrate the first night of Chanukah.

Saturday, 12/8. Union Square, 5:30. San Francisco has always been known for its spirit of innovation and enlightenment. No surprise then that the first big menorah public celebration outside of Israel took place in Union Square in 1975. Named in honor of Bill Graham, who helped organize the first lighting, the festivities start Saturday night, 12/8 and continue to Saturday, 12/15.

Saturday, 12/8, Ghirardelli Square hosts its second annual Menorah lighting starting at 5:30 with a craft's table for children, salt water taffy samples, music and then the lighting ceremony at 6:30.

Family Fun in San Francisco, The Post-Thanksgiving Playbook

The turkey was great. The kids are getting along (and so are the adults). But what about tomorrow? Here are a few family fun in San Francisco ideas for the rest of the weekend.

FRIDAY

Crissy Field There is no such thing as too much time outdoors. See Tuesday's post to see why. Park in the east parking lot. Walk to Fort Point (foot of Golden Gate Bridge) and return on same trail. Along the way stop off at

The Warming Hut By now you have walked off enough of yesterday's meal to treat yourself to a cup of hot chocolate. But wait. It is Black Friday, after all. Time to get some holiday shopping done. And this is one of the best places to find gifts for children. We shop here for all the children's birthday parties. This is not your usual tacky souvenir shop. The buyers for this store take pride in finding tasteful gift items with a California focus. And since the graphics for the park system were designed by Michael Schwab, even a sweatshirt is a chic choice.

SATURDAY

Randall Museum Open this Saturday, 10 - 5 pm. You already know how I feel about this wonderful, free gift to the city's kids. Read this. Saturdays are very busy at the Randall because of the drop-in classes (small fee). This also happens to be the third Saturday of the month which means that the Golden Gate Model Railroad Club allows kids to run the train layout. After you have worked up your appetite riding the rails head to

Thorough Bread & Pastry I wished we lived closer to this part French patisserie /boulangerie in the heart of the Castro. There is no where else in the city that you can find the variety and quality of fine baked goods for these prices. What a great way to introduce children to the gastronomic bounty that is SF. Freshly baked scones, danish, croissants...bread...hearty soup and filling sandwiches on baked that day bread.

SUNDAY

Note: I once managed a restaurant for Neiman-Marcus. The most difficult customer service day of the year was the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Everyone complained about everything. And I assure you that there was nothing to complain about. My staff was great, the food delicious. One customer complained that the tuna pecan filling in her sandwich had not been spread properly. Right. My theory about this particular day is that this is the fourth day that people have been in close proximity to each other and nerves are frayed.

Grace Cathedral Labyrinth By the fourth day of a holiday weekend it's time to get spiritual (or at least philosophical). Do you know the difference between a labyrinth and a maze? A labyrinth has no tricks and there are no dead ends. The path that leads you to the center is a metaphor for where you are in your life. Walking the labyrinth is an ancient spiritual ritual. No matter what religion you practice (or don't) you will find the time you spend in this replica of the labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral calming and restorative. Just what you need today.

Peet's Coffee is located in the basement level of Grace. Get a cup of coffee and head across the street to

Huntington Park This is a city park right out of a fairy tale. You almost expect to see Mary Poppins fly by. Surrounded on two sides by elegant apartment buildings/hotels, on one side by a very proper private club and on the fourth side by Grace Cathedral, it is hard to find a park with a more elegant pedigree. But don't let this put you off. It is welcoming in its quiet elegance and is the gathering place for neighborhood dogs/owners, children (swings & slides) and the occasional alfresco art show. Visit the first Tuesday night in December and you will be treated to the lighting of the holiday lights that are strung through every tree, Christmas Carols sung by the SF Girls Chorus and free hot chocolate courtesy of one of Nob Hill's elegant hotels. Hungry? Walk down the street to

Another Cafe We can't remember what we did for our morning coffee before this cafe opened in 2011. Organic coffee, fresh pastries, delicious panini, friendly staff who remember children's names (which endears them to we grandparents!). Free internet.

Crissy Field, Your Holiday Oasis

'Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.' - Wallace Stevens-

'Water is nature's tranquilizer.' -Diana Vreeland-

No matter how much you love the holidays there will be a moment in the next few days when you wonder if it's really all worth it. It may be while you are in the parking lot of Whole Foods or Trader Joe's waiting in line to park your car and you realize that this is just the first of many lines you will be waiting in today. Or your phone rings, caller id says it's your Mother and you don't answer.Trust me. This is not the time for self analysis. This is not the time to try to figure out why you feel this way. This is the time to put on the walking shoes and get yourself over to Crissy Field.

There is a glorious feeling of expansiveness and peace that comes from walking along this promenade - one of the world's most breathtaking. Everywhere you look there is a jaw-dropping view. The Golden Gate Bridge. Sausalito. Angel Island. Alcatraz. The City's skyline. The fog. The beach. The tidal marsh. Not to mention the endorphins that you will be calling forth as you stride along. And, as you stride along, think about how lucky you are to be here, now. And what a glorious place San Francisco is.

See you there!

Holiday Field Trip: The Randall Museum

 

I knew I was going to love the Randall Museum the first time I walked in. Maybe it was the aroma of clay, cedar and little kid sweat that made it seem so familiar and welcoming. Or perhaps it had something to do with the building itself. Built in 1951, it is similar to the schools that I attended (and loved) in the East Bay in the 60’s & 70’s. Same low slung roof, same squares of linoleum, same ramps (instead of stairs). Randall Museum is owned and operated by the SF Recreation and Park Department and admission is free.

A visit to the the Randall Museum is at the top of our list when we are searching for something to fill in a couple of hours, especially on a rainy day. Our granddaughter has literally grown up and into this museum. Early toddler mornings were spent in the Tree House Exploration Zone which is a carpeted play structure open for drop-in play from 10 - 5 pm, Tuesday - Saturday. As she got older petting the bunnies and chickens became a favorite ritual. Lately we wait for the unveiling of the blind Great Horned Owl before we head over to the bee hive to find the Queen.

After a few minutes in the full size replica of an earthquake refugee shack (circa 1906), we follow an exhibit of animal tracks to learn about the wild animals that we live with daily in the city - raccoons, coyotes and skunks.

Then there are the family classes. Toddler woodworking, ceramics, gardening. Most require pre-registration but some, like the Saturday morning ceramics class, are drop in. Sign ups are first come, first serve. $6 per person. And if you are very lucky, you may discover some hidden talent of your own.

With the winter holidays approaching you might want to check out the Randall Museum's Winter Break Camp. Build a castle or a hobby horse. But best of all, you get to join your child in a creative activity that may foster a future passion for art, natural history or science. Much better than a walk in the mall.

Super Sweet Blogging Award

As someone who always argues for the benefits of a little sweetness in our lives and our children’s, it came as a wonderful surprise to me to find out that The Urbane Grandmother had been nominated for the SUPER SWEET BLOGGING AWARD by dear fellow blogger, CC at A Sojourning Life. Thanks so much for this honor, my friend.

 Rules for this award are:

- Thank nominating blogger (see above)

- Nominate a Baker’s Dozen of fellow bloggers (see below). You will notice that I have listed a variety of sites that are not all about food. I visit these sites for inspiration whether it be for tonight’s dinner or what to wear today or where to go on my summer vacation or a little SF history. What they all have in common is the sweetness and interest they add to my life. Enjoy!

Mai Tai's Picture Book

Land Girl 1980

Advanced Style

Bourbon and Pearls

Walking off the Big Apple

David Lebovitz

Global Grandmother Power

101 Cookbooks

Cooking with Amy

Christine Cooks

Sun(shine) and Stilettos

A Sojourning Life

Leite's Culinaria

More to Say from San Francisco

Answer five questions:

1. Cookie or cake? Cake, layered coconut/pineapple with a cuppa
2. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, of course!
3. What is your favorite sweet treat? B&J’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch Ice Cream
4. When do you crave sweet things most? 3:00 pm, tea-time of course!
5. If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be? Babycakes

Hayes Valley Calls in Fall

Now that the heatwave portion of October is over (we hope) it’s time to move on to the kind of weather that makes autumn the best time of year to visit San Francisco. Bright blue skies, warm sun, cool crisp breeze. A great time to savor being outside in the fresh air with children. And one of the best places in San Francisco to spend a day outside is Hayes Valley.

Hayes Valley is one of the oldest neighborhoods in San Francisco. Because it was spared the fires of the 1906 earthquake, you will see many grand Victorian mansions and, along the side streets, the smaller homes that housed the craft people that built these mansions. This dynamic neighborhood has managed to hold onto its ethnic and cultural diversity even through the latest wave of gentrification. The biggest changes began after the 1989 earthquake as a result of the removal of the damaged freeway overpasses that had shadowed part of the area.

My relationship with this neighborhood began in April 1981 when one of my junior high school teachers, Paul Pilgrim and his partner, Jerry Roy, opened PILGRIM/ROY -  a beautiful shop handling fine Americana, at 372 Hayes Street. They moved in right after the building was renovated. Sadly, the shop closed years ago, but their legacy lives on in the multitude of oh so very tasteful shops along the street. In fact, I believe that Hayes Valley is one of the more interesting mixed retail areas in the city. Good restaurants, vintage clothing, kid's stores like Fiddlesticks that all carry merchandise which you are not likely to find anywhere else in the city.

The wise Grandmother always begins time with their child doing something that the child wants to do. Especially if that something requires a large exertion of energy. How about an hour in the beautiful and fairly new Hayes Valley Playground?


Or along Patricia's Green?




While they climb around you can sip your hot chocolate or nibble on chocolates from Christopher Elbow Chocolates.

Now they are probably hungry enough for a pretzel and a frankfurter - or tongue sandwich - from the Biergarten.

You can enjoy a pork belly sandwich and a beer - but only if you're sharing grandparent duties that day!

An Autumnal Gathering of Two Urbane Grandmothers

I had the honor of being interviewed this month by radio talk show host Janet Gallin. Janet is the heart and soul behind The Love Letter Squad whose mission it is to change the world, one letter at a time. She describes a love letter as your truth put to paper in a loving way. One can be compelled to write a love letter by romance but it can also be used to reach out for friendship or as a way to heal.

Join us here as we spend time talking about what we love about being Grandmothers and who I would write my love letter to.

Lloyd Lake, An Afternoon Ritual for Fall

 

Children learn from the act of repetition. Think the alphabet song or the Pledge of Allegiance. There was a time when the term ‘repetition’ meant a piece of poetry or passage of writing that was to be memorized and then recited. I can still deliver the Gettysburg Address by heart but there hasn’t been much call for this particular talent at cocktail parties. Or perhaps I am going to the wrong cocktail parties. Anyway….

Repetition is the essence of ritual and I find great comfort in rituals. The act of repeating the same action regularly is a way of reassuring ourselves that all is well, and that, ultimately, life goes on. I have realized that my granddaughter and I have established many rituals in just the past three years. There is the simple ritual of getting her strapped into her car seat, ‘Don’t sit on the buckle’ we would tell her before she could even speak. Now she hops into the backseat, nestles into her car seat and declares ‘I’m not sitting on the buckle!’.

One of our many rituals is the afternoon feeding of the ducks, and other assorted fowl, at LLoyd Lake. I have a special affection for this little corner of Golden Gate Park. First, because it is mentioned in my favorite movie, VERTIGO, as the place where the heroine of the story, Madeleine Elster, loses herself into her past life as Carlotta Valdes. Second, because it is the site of the Portals of the Past. This is the portico of one of the Nob Hill mansions that survived the 1906 earthquake (see picture at top). These crumbling ionic columns add not only a sprinkling of SF history to the lake but also a veil of mystery. They suggest an entrance (or exit) from another time and world. Which is how I feel as we stroll around the lake, ducks in tow, while we spot herons and egrets.

We have circled that lake at all times of the day and in every season. The ducks are especially eager in the morning because they haven’t gorged themselves on stale bread and crackers yet. But late afternoon in the fall is the loveliest. The sun sits low on the horizon and the lakes shimmers in the golden light. Magic!

Playground Rundown: The Marina

The well prepared grandparent always has a list of playgrounds packed away in their bag of tricks. Our PLAYGROUND RUNDOWN will profile our city’s best playgrounds. Some may be familiar to you, others will have you saying ‘I had no idea there was a playground there…’.

This week’s playground location also boasts a recreation center and public library nearby. With all three resources so close to each other you are bound to find an activity to occupy the children at almost any daytime hour.

The Moscone Park Playground is located in the heart of the Marina District and is just one part of the George Moscone Park Recreation Center. There is playground equipment for older children as well as a special area for just toddlers and their adult caregivers. The nearby Recreation Center hosts classes as well as a drop-in center during the weekday afternoons where you can escape the heat (or rain!) with your little one for indoor play or nap time. Some classes require pre-registration (small fee) and fill up fast in this very popular neighborhood venue. For more information call 415.292.2045 or check out their website. Also available in the center is a basketball court (half) and outside tennis courts.

West of the playground is the Marina Branch of the San Francisco Public Library . It is another reminder of how much pride San Francisco takes in providing free educational opportunities to her citizens. There is a special Children’s section of the library which features reading hours for babies (Baby Rhymes & Playtime), toddlers (Toddler Tales) and pre-schoolers (Pre-School Storytime). If you drive buy and spy over a dozen baby strollers parked outside the entrance you will know that it is storytime.

Knitting Grandmothers: What We Know

Remember the knitting craze of 2004? It seemed like EVERYONE was knitting. People that had never held a pointed object longer than a Ticonderoga pencil were suddenly wielding size 10 knitting needles 16 inches long. And if you weren’t knitting you were surely the recipient of a knitted scarf (about a mile long) or a knitted hat (always a bit too large). Boutique yarn stores seemed to pop-up overnight.  Stitch and bitch groups formed in bars and parks. Men could be seen knitting on MUNI.

I was one of those women who jumped right into the fray. Within a week of learning how to knit, from my sister, I was purchasing luxurious yarns and rosewood knitting needles. I have never regretted a moment or dollar spent on this relaxing pastime. It has calmed my nerves on airplanes and quieted my anxious brain in hospital waiting rooms. Best of all, it has become the portal to my quiet center.

That's why I advocate always having a knitting project with you when you venture forth with children. I especially like a hat project knitted in-the-round because it is harder to lose needles and if you drop a stitch it is easier to find your place again. I leave the more difficult sweater patterns for my at-home knitting bag.

I love to knit when I am with my granddaughter because it shows her that something can be created from almost nothing. I look forward to teaching her how to knit one day but in the meantime, she visits yarn stores with me (shorter visits than my usual marathons).

My favorite knitting store is Article Pract in Oakland. They have a lovely selection of yarns and are more patient than I would have thought was humanly possible. It is worth a field trip to their stretch of Telegraph Avenue. Don’t forget to have a fried chicken sandwich at Bakesale Betty's.

In San Francisco I go to Imagiknit. Largest yarn selection in the city. Have tea at Samovar across the street. Or, take a nice walk to Tartine Bakery . If you have the children with you stop off at Mission Dolores Park to visit the new children's playground which just opened this summer.

Museums and Children

It was the afternoon that my granddaughter tried to fling herself onto the Balenciaga gown that I realized that children see and understand the nuances of great design far better than we adults do. Her fevered and uncensored reaction to the flamenco-inspired fuschia and black polka-dot confection confirmed for me, yet again, what I have always felt. Museums are best seen through the eyes of children.  

Many years ago I was a tour guide at the University Art Museum, Berkeley and then a docent at the MOMA, San Francisco. What I learned from guiding hundreds of children throughout the UAM was that my main objective was to help them experience the art. It was a great ying to the yang of my art history classes which were mostly about memorizing dates, artist’s names and artistic styles. But I needed both. It was because of my firm art history education that I was able to understand how to approach an art exhibit and, by extension, a museum.

We started taking our granddaughter to museums when she was three months old. I wanted her to be familiar with and comfortable in a museum space: the smell, the vastness, the coolness. By the time she was 19 months old she was holding my hand as we searched for horses in every gallery. My point is that there is something in every museum to interest every child. However, a truly satisfying museum visit will take preparation on your part. 

Here are some suggestions to ensure your child’s museum visit is a success: 

• Visit during off hours. Early weekday mornings are less crowded. 
• Buy a museum membership. It is better to go often, for short periods of time, than to try to turn your visit into a marathon. Know when to fold ‘em, as they say. The sculpture gardens are great for fresh air and exercise.
• Verify the museum’s stroller policy. They are not allowed into the blockbuster exhibits.
• Go alone the first time. Scope out the cafe, restrooms and the permanent collection. This is where you will find old friends (paintings, sculptures) that you can check back in on as the years go by. 
• Museums cafes are great for time-outs. Most will have kid-friendly items on their menus. 
• Have a theme for the visit. Will you look for horses? Or dogs? Paintings that you want to rest in? Or taste?
• Try to be hands-free so that you can quickly grab little ones that want to touch. 
• Some museums offer classes for children after school or during summer break. These are great ways to let them get the hands-on experience of working with different mediums.

Whatever extra effort you put into helping to make your child’s museum visits memorable will be more than rewarded when you get a chance to see art through their eyes. 

Thanks to the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco for many happy hours.

The Case of Chocolate for Children

Alas, pity the poor chocolate-loving grandparent! What are we to do when our children insist that our grandchildren must not eat sweets - specifically chocolate? Their good health is of paramount importance and their parent’s wishes must be respected. But, major health issues aside, we must reason for the importance of a bit of chocolate from time to time. A little something-something to soften the impact of life’s rocky road, as it were. And for the importance of including chocolate in the celebrations of our lives. 

Chocolate walked into my life when I was 7 years old. If you were to ask any San Franciscan of a certain age if they remember Blum's they will reply with a quick “I loved Blum’s...did you ever have the …. fill-in-the-blank?’.  For some it was the Coffee Crunch Cake (still available here.). For others, like me, it was the Hot Fudge Sundae (HFS). This was no ordinary sundae. This was the iconic HFS to which all the others I have consumed in the past 40 years have been measured. A tall parfait glass was filled one quarter full with hot fudge. Scoops of vanilla ice cream next, more hot fudge, real whipped cream, toasted nuts and, of course, a cherry on top. But what set this HFS apart was the stainless steel pitcher of extra hot fudge that accompanied each order. Dark, thick, chocolate sauce that hardened when it hit the cold ice cream and turned into fudge. It was sensory overload. The hot sauce was the perfect foil to the cold ice cream. The crisp nuts provided just the right resistance and contrast to the smooth whipped cream. The trick was to get a spoonful of cold ice cream, hot sauce, whipped cream and crunchy nuts in your mouth at one time. All the while the clock was ticking. Linger too long and the entire concoction melted into a brown soupy mess. 

I know that Blum’s HFS would not have loomed so large in my memory if I was allowed to have one any time I wanted. I only had them a few times a year - during the holidays after a performance of the Nutcracker Suite or as a reward for a great report card. Which is just as well. Too much of a good (and chocolate) thing is just that - too much. The special becomes ordinary and mundane. The concept of a special treat disappears because life becomes just one big sugar high.

Blum's Hot Fudge Sundae conjures up a feeling of happiness in the soul of this old child. A happiness brought on by the memory of generous, kind adults who wanted to acknowledge my accomplishments or celebrate our time together. Since the sense of smell, and therefore taste, is our longest memory, I propose we gift our grandchildren with the transformational experience of a piece of delicious chocolate early on. For it will be the sense memory of that lovely piece of chocolate and their time with you that will get them through the hard times later on in life. They may not remember that you were the first to give them the gift of the joy of chocolate but somehow you will be there every time they savor a chocolate confection.

Sadly, there is not an equivalent to Blum’s today. But San Francisco has a deep, rich chocolate history that began in 1849 and continues today. 

Ghirardelli. Guittard. Both enterprising men who saw an opportunity during the Gold Rush when wealthy miners were willing to pay a lot of money for luxuries like chocolate. Once the gold rush was over, the real winners were the businesses that had provided services to the transient population of men and women on their way to (and from) the gold mines. Not unlike our more recent SF boom times…

Check out these San Francisco Chocolatiers and Confectioner:

Guittard Chocolate: Fog City News on Market Street carries the City’s widest selection of chocolate bars including the Etienne Guittard line.

Recchiuti Confections: Ferry Building. More for adults than children. But you could start them early on the high cacao content milk chocolate bar.

Scharffen Berger Chocolate: Ferry Building. Another born in San Francisco chocolate. Now owned by Hershey's. Still good.

TCHO: On Pier 17. Take the tour of the chocolate factory. Children 8 and over only.

Ghirardelli: Stockton Street. Always a free sample. The 60% cacao dark chocolate bars are my favorite. Also available as chocolate chips.

You can visit many of these spots on the same day, if you dare. Begin your walk at the Ferry Building. Once you are leave the building, head north along the Embarcadero to TCHO at Pier 17 then on to Ghirardelli Square.  Or, head west along Market Street and visit both Fog City News and then continue along Market Street to Stockton Street to visit the Ghirardelli store. 

Delightful Dining with Children: Dim Sum

Chinese restaurants are the best places to take small children to eat. Especially the larger restaurants that specialize in the mid-morning to late afternoon tradition of dim sum. Dim sum seems to have been created for the utter delight of children. It comes in many shapes, sizes and colors - the Lucky Charms of Chinese cuisine. These small savory dumplings (steamed or fried) contain a variety of fillings and are served as either a snack or main dish. The best time to go is during the week, 10 to 11 a.m., when the dim sum carts (from which you make your selection) are numerous and before the lunch crowd descends. 

I revel in the clamor of a Chinese restaurant’s dining room during the morning dim sum rush. Steam rises from the dim sum carts as the women (always women) steer them through the narrow aisles, dodging the busboys clearing tables, waiters pouring tea and customers navigating their way to their table. It is this commotion that makes it the perfect training ground for dining out with children. The action will hold their attention. The variety of little bites of this and that will peak their culinary curiosity. And the informality of the room will allow even the most uptight grandparent amongst us to relax and enjoy. 

My favorite dim-sum restaurant, Legendary Palace, is in Oakland Chinatown. The building was built in 1917. Ask to eat in the dining room upstairs. Crystal chandeliers illuminate an immense room that is surrounded with satin draped windows. Very fancy. Very fun. And don't forget the egg custard tarts for dessert.

Make a morning of it by taking the San Francisco Bay Ferry to Jack London Square. From there you can either take a bus or grab a cab to the restaurant. Explore Oakland’s Chinatown. You will be amazed at the reasonable prices on both produce and household items.

It's Farmers' Market Time

Farmers’ Markets are great places to visit with children any time of year. But they are at their most appealing in summer as the individual stalls literally overflow with produce. Tasting bright red strawberries, fragrant white nectarines and vine ripened ambrosia melons heavy with nectar is a great way to introduce children to the pleasures of eating seasonally.  These market visits with you will connect them to a rhythm that is as old as man: plant, harvest, cook/preserve, eat.

Most San Francisco guidebooks will only send you to the most obvious choice: the Ferry Plaza Farmers' Market on Saturday (and Tuesday) mornings. Yes, it is lovely, all certified organic and quite civilized but it has none of the grit that I personally associate with and crave from a traditional farmers' market. If you do choose to check it out, be sure to get there around 7:45 am. The market opens officially at 8:00 am but it will be too crowded to walk through comfortably by 10:00 am. When I go to the Ferry Building I grab a cup of coffee from Peet’s, a granola/yogurt/fresh fruit parfait from Frog Hollow Farm then I find a bench facing the bay where I sit to people watch and contemplate the week ahead.

The Thursday Marin Farmers' Market is my favorite. It is an especially nice escape in the summer when the cool, grey fog envelops the city and the temperature drops to 55 degrees. You can escape to (usually) warmer San Rafael by crossing the Golden Gate Bridge and driving for 20 minutes. It is a small and intimate market. Besides produce you can purchase baked goods, prepared food to go, chocolate and flowers. Yesterday, there was a small petting zoo set up across the street and they were giving pony rides to children for $7 a ride.

The Saturday Alemany Farmers' Market is California’s first farmers’ market. It was established in 1943 and moved to its permanent home in 1947. If you have ever wondered what is meant when a place is described as ‘holding memory’ (see Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris) you will understand the moment you start to wander through this market. I always feels like I am shopping with generations of real San Franciscans. Part of this comes from the cultural and economic diversity of both vendors and shoppers. It is a rich shopping experience and a good way to expose children to what makes our city great. Not all the vendors are certified organic but they will be happy to tell you if they use organic farming methods. Don’t miss the lady who plays the saw.

A few things to remember to help you enjoy your day at the market:
- Have lots of small bills. $1’s and $5’s are best.
- Hats for everyone. Wide brims in summer, warm knitted caps in winter.
- Drink lots of water.
- Walk the entire market sampling but without making a purchase (if you can resist). Stop for something to eat and talk about what your favorites were. Then circle around the second time and make your purchases. Also, remember that the closer to closing time the better the prices. Yesterday, ambrosia melons that were selling for 2 for $5 became 3 for $5 at closing.
- Bring your own bags. I like a large canvas bag to carry everything in, lots of smaller plastic bags to bag my own produce and a middle sized plastic bag to put the roast chicken in. A cooler is a good idea if you are not going right home afterwards.

Summer Chocolate Detour with a quick Chocolate No-Bake Cookie recipe

One of the things you’ll learn as you travel with The Urbane Grandmother is that I’m always happy to take any detour that is marked ‘Chocolate’.

I love chocolate. All chocolate. Cheap chocolate. Expensive chocolate. Politically correct chocolate. It’s all fine in my book. You may have graduated to eating only $8 a bar, single-estate, single-origin chocolate or $75 a pound confections but the moment a child steps back into your life you will be re-visiting the chocolate that you thought you had left behind in an aisle at the corner drugstore. Chocolate shaped like a kiss or a bunny has come home.

For example - what kind of chocolate will you choose for your classic summer s'more?  A few squares of Hershey’s is so much more in keeping with the spirit of a s’more.  And it is exactly the correct thickness for quick melting. You could use a bar of imported French chocolate but the result won’t be the same.

If you are without a campfire this week but want a quick, chocolate cookie to make with your child, I present my mother’s recipe for what we have always just called ‘Fudgies’. If you ate lunch in your school’s cafeteria in the 60’s, you will recognize this sweet treat. Hershey’s cocoa, please. These pack well.

FUDGIES
2 c. sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
3 tbsp. powdered cocoa
In a medium saucepan, combine and bring the above ingredients to a full boil. Immediately remove from heat. Add quickly:
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 tsp. Vanilla extract
3 cups rolled oats (not instant)
Drop by teaspoonfuls on to parchment paper. Cool.

A Foggy 4th? Who Cares?

The 4th of July is a celebration of all things American - independence, spirit and optimism. The most optimistic American is the San Franciscan who leaves his home on the 4th expecting to see fireworks that evening. Our city's motto could read ‘hope springs eternal and we will see the fireworks this year’. Until just a couple of years ago, it was ALWAYS foggy on the 4th of July. Loud explosions followed by pink fog, green fog, blue fog. If you wanted to see, and not just hear, fireworks you needed to travel to the East Bay. Thanks (?!) to global warming there have been two fog free 4th in the last five years. Will this be the third? As of this writing the forecast is for ‘intervals of clouds and sun, 69 degrees’.

No matter. Don’t let cool weather or fog deter you from bringing the children to the City and joining the party. Come shiver with us.

The Urbane Grandmother suggests the following for a perfect 4th, with or without fog:

Leave the picnic packing to Little Vine Cheese, Wine & Provisions in North Beach. Melissa confirmed that they will be open on the 4th (11-3pm) and suggests pre-ordering your picnic as they have a limited number of vintage picnic baskets available. They come with two sandwiches of the day, two sodas, a cheese and salumi board and a baguette. These can be customized for larger groups.

What could be more American than a hot fudge sundae? And one of the best in SF is at Ghirardelli Square. Okay, I can hear you moaning. Won’t it be crowded? This is one instance where we encourage you to join the throng. We were at the ice cream parlor Tuesday. The line moved fast. Plus they have opened up a second location at the northeast corner of the square if you want to take away your sundae in a plastic bowl.

Bring a blanket to stake your claim on a patch of Aquatic Park and enjoy the fireworks display which starts at 9:30.

For the vintage fans amongst us, cross the Bay Bridge to Oakland to the Pardee Home Museum for their Patriotic Picnic BBQ. As always, vintage attire is admired, but not required. Pianist Frederick Hodges will be there to entertain with his snazzy piano playing. What a great opportunity to introduce your young charges to the great American songbook. Croquet anyone?

Summertime and the living is easy - and free

Free is good. It’s American and democratic and perhaps what our forefathers had in mind when they declared our inalienable rights to ‘Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness’. Which is how we come to enjoy grand public parks - like Golden Gate Park - and free admission days to our museums and gardens.

Not every activity you plan to do in San Francisco with your children needs to cost money. With a little planning you can experience a day when you barely open your wallet for anything beyond bus fare and snacks. All you need is a desire to be out in nature and a willingness to start your day early. Don’t be put off by inclement weather. Most parks are even more enchanting on misty, foggy days. Just remember that strolling is free and freeing.

JAPANESE TEA GARDEN

Opens every day at 9:00. Free admission Monday, Wednesday and Friday if you enter by 10:00. Wander in at 9:30 as we did on this cool misty morning last November.

 

 

GARDEN OF SHAKESPEARE'S FLOWERS

Created in 1928, this garden is planted with the flowers and plants that are mentioned in Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets. Want to show your child what a lily looks like? This is the place. Lots of grass to run or picnic on, many benches, lovely shade on a warm day.

 

Killer Whale Grandmothers of a kind...

'Are you a grandmother of some kind these days (per your blog)?’ asked an old college friend in an email last week. I thought the ‘of some kind’ a curious and amusing turn of phrase. Taken literally, how many sorts of grandmothers could there be? And after thinking about it for a while I realized that her question was not so anomalous. There are lots of different kinds of grandmothers these days because we come to our grandmotherhood from many different directions. Were your grandchildren eagerly anticipated or a complete surprise? Does your grandson have your nose or is the origin of his nose unknown? 

The BBCRadio 4 program ‘Start the Week with Andrew Marr’ of March 5, 2012, celebrates middle age (yeah!)  and briefly discusses the Grandmother Hypothesis which explains menopause, why it is useful to have women in society who no longer produce children and how they are an asset to the tribe as they take care of their daughter’s children. ‘Tribes which have women who can bring up and care for children are able to bring up successfully more children than tribes that don’t and therefore it is evolutionary advantageous to have older women who are providing resources and information’. That is probably as succinct a definition of a grandmother that I have ever read. The only other species where the grandmothers help out are killer whales and elephants.

But how does one grandparent? How do we do this thing? Where do the role models come from if your own childhood was sadly lacking in the grandparent department. The tribe I came from had one grandmother. She came to America via Ellis Island, did not speak English and raised four children, alone, during the Depression. Her attitude toward grandchildren was much different than my generation's. By the time her children were raised she was done. While she was kind enough, I don't remember any special indulgences or any sense of having fun with her. Part of that may have to do with her second husband. He was never happy to see any of the grandchildren arrive at their house. We were noisey, ate his blackberries and scared his chickens. He was not amused. Grandparents were scary and had to be obeyed or else. End of story.

So, when I got married I was startled to hear my husband's stories of his adventures with his grandparents - Grandpa Bill in particular - of fishing trips, camping in the Sierras, trips to San Francisco from the Central Valley - for just the grandchildren and grandparents. HIs reminiscing was full of love, not fear and boredom. Then his mother told me stories about camping in Yosemite with her sisters and her grandfather in the 1930's. I had lucked out. For better or worse, here was a group that was inclusive of all generations. I could learn something from them. 

Mostly, though, I am learning how to be a good grandparent by looking at myself. Cliché? Perhaps. I just think about what I have to offer our granddaughter. My sense of humour, fashion and adventure. To show her what I love about San Francisco and why I have worked so hard to be here. Why it matters to be kind and generous. And why you don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.

What to Wear

I feel as though I left my readers out in the cold, as it were, with last Thursday's Visitor's Tips posting. I tell you it’s going to be cold and windy and the streets are steep but then I don’t offer a solution to the on-going ‘what-to-wear-what-to-pack’ quandary that this poses. While I don’t presume to be a fashion expert, I do know my way around an Hermès scarf and a strand of Lanvin Glass Pearl Necklace. But like all smart women, I know how to mix it up. Vintage finds, outlet finds, sales rack finds and an occasional splurge on just the right pair of pants or bottle of Chanel nail polish. And did I mention that great little shop in Chinatown where the stunning shawls are $5.00? Read on…

Comfort is key. If the children are small you will be bending, kneeling and picking them up. You need to be able to move. Fast. You can’t be worried about your slip showing (does anyone wear slips any more?) or something falling out or off. But just because you are comfortable doesn’t mean that you have to look like you just fell out of bed. As Lynn Dell, The Countess of Glamour says on Advanced Style ‘dress for the theatre of your life’. In other words, have fun. Children like fun. And children sense when someone is at ease with themselves and the world. By showing off your personal style you are helping them to express and realize their own personalities.

Pants: I like voluminous. So I buy my pants from MIO-SF on Fillmore Street. My favorite brand is OSKA  from Germany. Pricey but worth it. The pair I have on today I bought ten years ago. Still looks great.

Shoes: Hard to get any cuter, comfier or cheaper than these ballet flats for $45. I have one pair of black (of course) but am eyeing the Guava (tangerine orange).

Hat: I can hear my mother’s voice saying ‘wear a hat to protect your face’. She came from a long line of hat wearers. One of the better brands is Helen Kaminski. If you are new to hats a leisurely stroll through Chinatown (along Grant Street) will yield lots of hat choices for a lot less $.

Scarf/Shawl: Layering is key to quick weather changes. Scarves to keep your neck warm will make all the difference. If you are scarf phobic just spend some time on MaiTai's Picture Book website where she will give you dozens of ideas of how to wear/tie your scarves. She also sells scarf rings. I own this one in medium (moyenne). You will become the chicest amongst us.  

Sweaters, Toppers: One word: Eileen Fisher Outlet in San Leandro. You may not find anything or you may  come home with a car load. All depends on the time of year, your taste, their sales. Well worth the trip to the East Bay. 

The best place for shawls is at 902 Grant Street. There is no sign. There is no name that I can find. You won’t believe the array of color and design. Let’s just say that I get more compliments for the $5 shawls that I have purchased there than I do for any of my fine French finds. Maybe it’s because I am much more relaxed when I know that I spent only $5 and not $500!

Secret Gardens Open Their Gates

If you need any convincing of the benefits of time spent in nature, read this article from the New York Times that describes how natural settings help children with attention deficit disorders. We all benefit from a walk in the park. 

The good news for this weekend is that the Garden Conservancy has announced that Sunday, June 3, is the Open Day for San Francisco Gardens. Four private gardens will be open to the public ($5.00 admission) from 10:00 am to 4:00 p.m. This is your chance to see some of San Francisco’s well hidden treasures that are not ordinarily open to the public. Why not pick up some sandwiches at Little Vine on Grant and head up to Coit tower, picnic, and walk over to Greenwich Street to tour the Telegraph Hill gardens?